shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
