I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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