Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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