Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So squirting runs in the family.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
