Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
