just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm passing your future prison.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
