go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
