I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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