The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize