oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
