Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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