I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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