Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
