I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
