fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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