Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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