I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
