If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
