it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
