Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
