His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
