im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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