Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
