Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are all done wearing pants today
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
