Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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