He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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