No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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