ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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