You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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