He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ladies don't puke and tell
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
