It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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