Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
