sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
