He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
