If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
