I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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