You made me cry and you don't even care
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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