im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
