Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
