I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
