i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
