i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
