My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
