just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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