i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
