every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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