Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
