The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
