so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
