I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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