capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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