nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
