what day is it and did you see me today?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
