ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
