Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
