I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
