So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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