U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
