She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
