I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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