just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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