I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
