My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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