my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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