Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
